Success in Relationships Begins with Commitment to Yourself
You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you that commitment is essential for success in anything we do in life. Th e same is true for our intimate relationships. Commitment to your relationship, however, does not begin with your level of devotion or commitment to your partner. In fact, the commitment you bring to your intimate relationship begins with the commitment you have to yourself.
Think about this for a moment. Th e feelings and emotions you have about yourself are the ones that will radiate from your very core. Th is sense of commitment you have to yourself is reflected back at you in the commitment you receive from your partner. If you do not believe you are deserving and worthy of a happy, loving relationship, how in the world will you attract that to yourself? And why would anyone else commit to you in a loving relationship if you don’t believe you are worthy of one? Th at would be like throwing good money after bad money.
Ask yourself these questions to ascertain the level of commitment you have to yourself:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR SELF-WORTH? Your commitment to yourself is rooted in how you feel about your self-worth. Do you believe you are worthy and deserving of the beautiful things life has to off er? Or do you struggle with thoughts that you are unworthy of beauty and love in your life?
WHAT WORDS WOULD YOU USE TO DESCRIBE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM? Is your self-esteem where you want it to be? Or are you riddled with low self-esteem, making it difficult to believe you can achieve your goals in life?
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE SPECIAL AND ONE-OF-AKIND, IN A POSITIVE WAY? We all are special and unique. Th ere is absolutely nobody else in this world who is you – the mold was truly broken when you were born. Do you believe in the fact that you are special and unique? Or do you think everyone else is better than you at everything?
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE A UNIQUE CONTRIBUTION TO MAKE IN THIS WORLD? I never cease to be amazed at the absolute miracle of life and the fact that we all – every single one of us – have a unique contribution to make in this world. Some people have incredible creative and artistic gifts while others are academically brilliant. Do you emotionally own your unique gifts and contributions? Are you a musician, a painter, a thinker, a culinary whiz? The list is really endless.
DO YOU BELIEVE THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE YOU ARE IN IT? Remember the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”? In this movie, the main character played by Jimmy Stewart contemplates suicide during the Christmas season because he thinks (wrongly) that his life has been in vain. He sees how wrong he was as he watches how many lives would be empty and/or nonexistent if he did not exist.
DO YOU APPRECIATE YOUR SPECIAL GIFTS AND TALENTS?
In my work with clients, I have seen some incredibly talented and gifted people totally minimize their talents and gifts. They had fallen into the trap of thinking if they could do something, surely everybody else could. For example, I have seen many women who are incredible cooks minimize their culinary gifts. So knowing you have a talent doesn’t necessarily mean you appreciate the uniqueness of that talent.
DO YOU SHARE YOUR TALENTS WITH OTHERS? We all know people who have special talents yet refuse to share them with others because they either do not think they are gifts worth sharing or they are afraid of criticism or rejection. So they keep them hidden away.
Your answers will provide a solid foundation for assessing your level of commitment and belief in yourself. Consequently, they will refl ect your level of belief that you are worthy and deserving of a committed, loving relationship. The more committed you are to yourself and the unique gifts and talents you bring to this world, the more commitment you will be capable of receiving from others – including your most intimate relationship. With this increased level of commitment comes greater romance and happiness in your relationship.
DR. PATTY ANN TUBLIN
Tags: Authentic Relationships, Commitment to Yourself, Dr. Patty Ann Tublin, self-worth, Success in Relationships